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I really like this. The vision it gives is hard hitting and there. As a reader, I don't have to 'search' for it and I'm not left at a loss for what you're talking about. Still, easily, I'm able to take what you have written and mold it into what I see the story being, which hits even harder. I congratulate you on such a wonderful piece and encourage you to keep up the wonderful work. Your writing is impeccable.

I do have a couple of comments on a few mistakes I may have noticed. (forgive me if they were put in to better suit the poem, I tend to be blind to things sometimes)

Instead, you grab and my arm (Instead, you grab my arm or Instead, you grab me and my arm?)

why take it all on me? (Why take it all out on me?)

your poor little thing. (You poor little thing.?)

But when I reached you down and asked,
"Are you alright, is there I nothing can do?
(But when I reached down and asked, "Are you alright, is there nothing I can do?")


(But when I reached out to you and asked, "Are you alright, is there nothing I can do?")
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